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03
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1994-04-07
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103 lines
The Anatomy Of A Relationship
Affinity
We could say that affinity applies to how much we like something or
someone. And the degree of affinity is directly related to how much
Communication
we have with the same something or someone. It's interesting to note
that if we increase the amount or level of communication, the result
is that the level of affinity is also increased as well. For example,
you may have experienced someone you didn't have a great deal of
affinity for, then after talking or communicating with them you found
you had more affinity for them. You liked them more.
When we do this thing of communicating with someone or something,
which increases the affinity, we also find that we have more in common
with the person or thing, and as a result there is more
Reality
with the person or thing. In other words, the person or thing we
communicated to is more "real" to us. They or it exists a little more
for us. We are able to have it or them to a higher degree than
previous to our communication being increased.
So, it's easy for us to see how these three things work together and
are all increased when there is an increase of communication. And the
result is also an increase in understanding.
If we apply this to our examples used in the previous chapters, we can
more easily see how these factors all work together. When Sam and Jim
were on the outs for whatever reason, you notice there was very little
if any communication happening.
There was also as a result a very low level of affinity, and they were
much less real to one another. These factors of affinity, communica-
tion and reality were all increased with a little communication, which
resulted in better overall understanding as well.
Have you ever experienced something or someone for whom you didn't
have much affinity? Maybe it was that first computer you touched, or
a neighbor who just moved in and you felt a bit of aversion towards
them, and you were just a little uncomfortable.
In order to increase your level of affinity for the computer or the
new neighbor, if that's happened, there was something you definitely
did which made it happen. Yes, you communicated, didn't you?
It may not have been a lot of communication to begin with, but there
was at least a little. With the computer, you perhaps started by
simply touching the keyboard, maybe pressed a key or two to see what
would happen.
There may have been even a few terrifying moments, but you did
communicate to some degree, and you gradually increased your
communication probably until you became an expert with the computer.
Do you like the computer more now? I'll bet you do. You probably
like it a great deal more.
With the new neighbor, perhaps you did something similar. You felt
instinctively that you didn't like the person, but wanted to give them
a chance. So, you stepped near the fence and smiled and said hello.
Or maybe you didn't want to communicate with the new neighbor. Maybe
they were really that bad that you didn't want to. If that's what
happened, try a little exercise to help yourself get to know the
neighbor.
Before you decide to communicate with the neighbor, computer or
whatever it is that you want to communicate with but don't feel you
should, do as follows.
Look over the person or thing for a moment. That's somewhat of a
communication in itself, isn't it? Sure it is. After you look the
item over for a bit, see if there is anything at all you like about
it. Nothing? Keep looking. I'm sure you will find something you
like. After you find something you like, to at least even just a
small degree, look again and find something else you like. Then, keep
going until you like the entire item much better.
After doing the above you should have a higher degree of affinity for
the item to one degree or another. And as a result your levels of
communication and reality will be higher as well.
We hope you have enjoyed Improving Your Relationships as much as we
have enjoyed bringing it to you. If you liked it you will enjoy even
more a book entitled "Fine-Tuning Your Life."
Fine-Tuning Your Life uses the above principles as well as many others
in helping people become more happy and prosperous. Of course, Fine-
Tuning Your Life is a much larger volume and uses the same convenient
features as you have experienced here. To order your copy of Fine-
Tuning Your Life see the Table Of Contents and select "Order Form."
--- End Of Anatomy ---